Entry: Odds and Sods Monday, March 06, 2006

I have never really understood that term: "odds and sods" but I do think it sounds funny, so I like it.

Nothing especially new is going on... I am working 45-55 hours a week it seems... which is good for the $$ but what good is money if you are dead (figuratively or literally). I am very drained, and spiritually I have been on a rollercoaster again. Some days I just feel so dead, and other days are fine. I have found that if I don't have quality time in prayer and reading the bible, I get overrun with emotions and stress and 'life' and its easy to slip into depression and isolation and be really down.

Right now one of the biggest struggles I have is knowing who I am in God. I know what I'm "supposed" to say... but nothing resonates with me. Do I really believe I am a child of God? Do I really believe that I am as loved by God as my 'brothers and sisters' in Christ? Do I REALLY believe it? Right now, I'd have to say not really... there's still a lot of doubt, and insecurity and feelings of low self-worth. Perhaps in an attempt to squish pride, I've in fact done the opposite and lost the balance once again? I seem to go from one extreme to the next, and I think a root is judging myself and others by human measurements. Or even beyond that, comparing myself and others at all.


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